January's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Renee Kincaid

GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Renee? Can you hear me all right?

RENEE KINCAID: Yes, loud and clear. Nice to hear a friendly voice.

Ol' No. 2487

GN: OK, the hookup seems to be working fine on this end too.

RK: Good, good.

GN: So, congratulations on being named Disgruntled Employee of the Month.

RK: Thank you.

GN: Tell us what you do.

RK: I'm the manager of a Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Jokes novelty shop, store #2,487.

GN: And tell us where you're located.

RK: On the Victoria Land area of Antarctica. Near the Ross Sea.

GN: And, more than the manager, you're the whole show at that location, right?

RK: Yes, I'm the sole employee of 2,487.

GN: So you do it all.

RK: Yes.

GN: That's pretty impressive that you can keep that store operating all by yourself!

RK: Well, I can see why you might think so, Gary, but really it's not.

GN: Oh, you don't need to be so humble.

RK: I'm not being humble, Gary. I'm just saying it's easy to manage because there is nothing to do! We don't have any customers!

GN: Well, I know the economy is still a little slow right now.

RK: Uh, maybe. But I think the chief factor might actually be the fact that I'm in goddamn Antarctica and there's no one down here!

GN: No one?

RK: Well, there are some scientists down here in research stations, but they're not exactly potential customers.

GN: Why not?

RK: Several reasons. Mainly because: one, they're scientists. Two, they hardly ever leave their stations and if they do it's not because they need black mouth gum or a fake jar of peanuts full of springy snakes.

GN: Ha ha. I love that gag.

RK: Gary, please close this store. It's insane.

GN: That's not really my department.

RK: Please. Talk to someone. I'm going crazy down here and there's just no reason for this store.

GN: Hey, there's always a need for laughter.

RK: I mean there's no need to be at this location!

GN: Yeah, but look at it this way: there's no competition!

RK: Because there ARE NO CUSTOMERS!

GN: Yeah, but if there ever are, we'll be there ready for them.

RK: No one is ever coming.

GN: But if they do -

RK: Please, please find a way to stop this.

GN: Hey, do you ever see any penguins?

RK: Gary, I go months and months without hearing the sound of another human being's voice. It's so cold down here. Sometimes I think the cold is changing me somehow. Like maybe I'm getting harrier than I was or maybe time is moving more slowly for me. Sometimes I think of the ice as not a collection of connected pieces of frozen water, but of one solid, living thing and that that living thing hates me. Sometimes I think I'm going insane.

GN: Well, you know what I always say: "you don't have to be crazy to work here... but it helps!"

RK: Gary, please...

GN: I saw that on a wall-hanging in someone's cubicle. I forget who.

RK: Gary...

GN: Cracked me up, I'll tell you.

RK: Let me come home.

GN: Well, I think we're about to lose the satellite signal, so we'd better sign off now.

RK: The ice will get me.

GN: Say "hi" to the penguins!

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