April's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Don Hesling, Mailroom Assistant Gary Newbrunswick: Congratulations, Don.
Don Hesling: Thank you, Gary. This is quite an honor. GN: That's nice. So what exactly do- Wait, it is? DH: Oh, yes! Very much so. I was hoping I'd be chosen some day, but I never dreamed it would be so soon. GN: You do realize this is for the Disgruntled Employee of the Month feature, right? DH: Yup! I was so excited when I got the memo telling me it was my turn! GN: Hmmm- you don't sound sarcastic... DH: Yes sir! I even called my parents! They're buying a computer to check the site come Friday. GN: Wait, you're familiar with the web site? DH: Of course I am! GN: Capnwacky.com? DH: Oh, I'm a huuuge fan from way back. Why, when Mr. Schwartz was chosen as the head of the postcards feature, I threw a big party down in the mailroom. GN: Wow, really? DH: Well, it was just Mr. Schwartz and I, but I made a big cake shaped like a big envelope. GN: Ah. So, then. DH: Can I work on the site? GN: What? DH: I'd be so good at it. I've been reading every week. I like everything. Even that Flotsam and Jetsam piece about the Amish girl! GN: I don't think we have any openings in the content division right now... DH: But I've been applying for months. I figured landing this interview would be my way out of the mailroom and into the fast-pased world of comedy writing for the web. GN: First off, it's 'humor,' and secondly, I don't really have any power over any hiring decisions at all. I'm just- DH: Oh, sure, that's not what your nephew's diary that got posted last week said. You got him a summer job. GN: Well, that's different. I mean, well. It's just different is all. I'm sorry. (pause) His, uh, diary was posted last week? Really? DH: See, you don't even read your own site! I deserve that job. GN: No, thanks. DH: GN: No, thanks. DH:
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