Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

This month's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Professor Angus Dimbledoo

Gary Newbrunswick: Hello, Mr. Brock-

Angus Dimbledoo: Ah, ah, ah! What do we call me when the hat is on?

GN: (sigh) Hello, Professor Dingleberry.

AD: Dimbledoo!

GN: OK. Whatever.

AD: I'm glad you were able to come so quickly, Gary Notter!

GN: Newbrunswick.

AD: I SAID, Gary NOTTER!

GN: Sir, have you ever thought about getting help?

AD: Yes! That's just why you're here, Gary! You're going to help me in our battle against the evil Lord Zonarmort!

GN: Oh, god. I thought you asked me to come in here because you wanted me to make you Disgruntled Employee of the Month.

AD: Not just now, Gary Notter. Someday there will be time for that. For now, I have poured my memories into this magical basin, we must enter in to them to receive important clues as to how to defeat Zonarmort.

GN: That's your wastebasket and you've filled it with Mountain Dew.

AD: Place your face into it and follow me back into memory, Gary Notter.

GN: I'm not placing my face in that.

AD: It's the only way to magically follow me into my important memories!

GN: You first.

AD: No.

GN: If I'm going to follow you, you HAVE to go first.

AD: ...fine.

(There is a gurgling noise followed several seconds later by desperate gasping.)

GN: You didn't go anywhere.

AD: It... it must be... Lord Zonarmort using some sort of dark magic to stop me from accessing my memories.

GN: Mmm hmm.

AD: Would you put on these glasses, Gary Notter?

GN: No. Look, I'm going to have to go, OK? I have actual work to do?

AD: Oh, Gary. What more important work could there be than combating the most evil force of our age?

GN: Well, I was going to try to stop that tabloid from printing those naked photos they have of you.

AD: I was young and I needed the money!

GN: I know, sir.

(There is the sound of a door opening.)

TOBY "GOPHER" O'HALLAHAN: I'm ready for my lesson, Professor Dungadork.

AD: Oh! Terry Kotter! You're early!

T"G"O'H: Yes, sir!

AD: The TWO chosen ones together! Awkward.

GN: Oh for God's sake.

T"G"O'H: But I'm the most choseny of all, right?

AD: Well, we'll see how well you cleaned my car.

T"G"O'H: And I'm wearing the glasses!

AD: That's true, Gary. He is.

GN: Can you even see in those, Toby?

T"G"O'H: Not really.

GN: Hey, what? Toby, how did you get that scratch on your forehead?

T"G"O'H: Uh...

AD: Interview over!

T"G"O'H: I walked into a door.

AD: INTERVIEW OVER!


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