Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

November's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: George W. Bush

Gary Newbrunswick: Well, George, congratulations!

George W. Bush: Thanks, Gary. I always kind of hoped I'd be Disgruntled Employee of the Month someday.

GN: Well, that's nice to hear, but that's not what I was congratulating you for.

GWB: It wasn't? What for then?

GN: You know.

GWB: Uh... no. Not really.

GN: For getting re-elected president.

GWB: What? President of what?

GN: Ha ha! You know!

GWB: No. President of the company glee club? The shuffle board team? Tell me, Gary!

GN: No! President of the United States!

GWB: Oh, President of the United States! Well that's pretty goddamn amazing, Gary, considering I didn't run for the office and I'm an anonymous factory worker for a novelty company.

GN: Ha ha. See, I thought...

GWB: You thought it would be funny to make a joke of interviewing me this month because I happen to have the same name as the man who just got re-elected president.

GN: Yes. See...

GWB: Wow, that's hilarious, Gary, because I had never noticed before that I happen to have the same name as the president. No one ever pointed that out to me! You're really breaking new ground here with that joke, you are!

GN: OK.

GWB: Because you'd THINK by now someone would've mentioned it. Or maybe not just someone, but maybe EVERY SINGLE PERSON I'VE ENCOUNTERED FOR FREAKING YEARS!

GN: All right, I.

GWB: So, hey, let me see your questions... Hey, hilarious jokes about what my plans are for my next four years!

GN: Well, I -

GWB: No, it's OK, let me answer that. My plans include picking up small pieces of clear plastic off of a conveyor belt, attaching them to other pieces of clear plastic and then setting those joined pieces back down on the conveyor belt. Those are my plans, Gary.

GN: OK, well apparently -

GWB: Also, my plans include trying not to kill every new chump I meet who thinks that somehow he's being clever by asking me if I've caught Osama yet or to pronounce "nuclear" or for an invitation to stay over in the Lincoln bedroom. Those are my plans, Gary - drudgery and seething.

GN: OK.

GWB: Those are my plans.

GN: OK.

GWB: Any other questions then?

GN: No.

GWB: You sure? Nothing else?

GN: Well...?

GWB: Please, go ahead.

GN: So North Korea next, or Iran?

GWB: I hate you.


Click Here for the Disgruntled Employee of the Month Archives