This month's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Mr. Brockie

GARY NEWBRUNSWICK: Congratulations, Mr. Brockie.

Mr. BROCKIE: It's about freakin' time, Gary!

Mr. Brockie

GN: Pardon?

Mr. B: It's about time I'm recognized as the Disgruntled Employee of the Month around here. I only run the place!

GN: Well, co-run the place.

Mr. B: Well, I can fire people on my own, Gary. How about that?

GN: Anyway, sir. Yes. Um... I definitely wanted to pick you this month to highlight all the amazing work you do around here.

Mr. B: Damn straight. Again, though, it took you long enough.

GN: Well, I thought the idea of the Disgruntled Employee feature was meant primarily to inspire employees to achieve, so we usually like to turn the spotlight on...

Mr. B: Look, what could be more inspiring that seeing that your corporate leader...

GN: Co-leader.

Mr. B: ... that your corporate co-leader is a dynamic, effective, presence in the work place?

GN: When he comes in. Anyway, tell me a little bit about how you became the co-president of a successful long-standing American business institution like Amalgamated Humor, Inc.

Mr. B: I'm glad you asked that, Gary. It's because I believe in America. Also: synergy. Also: dynamic! Did you ever think, Gary, that the corporate world is a lot like a jungle?

GN: How so, sir?

Mr. B: A jungle is really just a socially-constructed term for a forest. Scientifically, there really isn't a distinction.

GN: And the corporate world?

Mr. B: Is full of Zebras and meerkats.

GN: I don't follow.

Mr. B: Exactly. That's why I'm the co-president of a successful long-standing American business institution like Amalgamated Humor, Inc and you're just a lowly... uh...

GN: Vice president.

Mr. B: Oh, that's pretty good too! Good for you!

GN: Thank you.

Mr. B: But not as good as president.

GN: Or even co-president.

Mr. B: Shut it with the "co-president" business, Gary.

GN: Yes, sir.

Mr. B: How long have you been a vice president, Gary?

GN: Oh, I'd say it's been about nine years now - since you promoted me.

Mr. B: I did? Awesome. I'm a good president. Did I mention synergy earlier?

GN: Yes.

Mr. B: Synergy! That's sinful-energy, Gary. It's a business term.

GN: Uh... OK. Say, where did you get your business degree, sir?

Mr. B: At the... uh... Charles Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.

GN: Isn't that where the X-Men live?

Mr. B: Whatever, Gary! Where did you get your whatever degree?

GN: Public relations.

Mr. B: Yeah, where did you get your public relations degree, Gary?

GN: Harvard.

Mr. B: Isn't that the school where C. Thomas Howell had to pretend to be black to get in in "Soul Man"?

GN: Uh... yes, but -

Mr. B: So it's fake!

GN: No, it also exists in real life.

Mr. B: Really! Did you have to pretend to be black to get in?

GN: No.

Mr. B: What did you have to pretend to be? Native American?

GN: No.

Mr. B: A Spaniard?

GN: No.

Mr. B: A ninja?

GN: No.

Mr. B: A woman?

GN: No.

Mr. B: A robot?

GN: No.

Mr. B: A cowboy?

GN: No.

Mr. B: Gay?

GN: No.

Mr. B: A gay cowboy?

GN: No.

Mr. B: The Flash?

GN: No.

Mr. B: The sun?

GN: If I say "yes" can we move on?

Mr. B: Let me try one more.

GN: OK.

Mr. B: What did you have to pretend to be to get in, an Ewok?

GN: Yes.

Mr. B: Ha ha. Yub yub, Gary! YUB YUB!

GN: Thank you, sir.

Mr. B: Well, your fancy degree from Endor University aside, Gary. I'm still the president and you're still the vice. That's because of synergy.

GN: Also, it's because your great-grandfather co-founded the company.

Mr. B: There's a term for that too, Gary.

GN: Nepotism?

Mr. B: No, it's called shut up or I'll fire you.

GN: Sorry, sir.

Mr. B: That's how it is here in the jungle. You ought to know that, Wicket.

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