Amalgamated Humor's Disgruntled Employee of the Month

Each month, Amalgamated Humor's Public Relations specialist, Gary Newbrunswick, puts the spotlight on a valued member of the Amalgamated Humor corporate family. In addition to an extra vacation day and photo with a receptionist from the executive office, they also get a featured interview.

December's Disgruntled Employee of the Month: Marley Jacobs

Gary Newbrunswick: Congratulations, Marley.

Marley Jacobs

Marley Jacobs: Gaaary! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrryyyyyy!

GN: Yeah, I'm right here.

MJ: GAAAAAAAAARRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY! WOOOOooOOoOoooOooOOOoooo!

GN: Chilling. Anyway, congratulations on being our second-ever employee to receive the Disgruntled Employee of the Month award posthumously.

MJ: Second?

GN: Yeah, we gave it to the Thin Green Man one time. That ghost in the New England Hotel.

MJ: He's a total haaaaaaaaaaaaack, Gaaaaaaaarrrrrrrryyyyyy!

GN: So tell me, since your death ten years ago, how do you think-

MJ: Gary, tonight you will be visited by three spirits!

GN: No, I won't.

MJ: Yes! They will teach you to embrace Christmas and to stop being such a money-grubbing workaholic.

GN: I'm fine with Christmas and if I were a money-grubbing workaholic I wouldn't still be with Amalgamated Humor, now would I?

MJ: Oh.

GN: I think you're here for Mr. White. You can talk to him in a minute.

MJ: Oh.

GN: So anyway, I was wondering if -

MJ: Gaaaaarrrrrrrrrryy! Tonight you will be visited by three of your ex-wives!

GN: No!

MJ: Ha. I'm just messing with you.

GN: Jerk.

MJ: Gaaaarrrrrryy! Tonight you will be visited by three spirits: whiskey, bourbon, and gin!

GN: Now that I believe.

MJ: WooooOOOOOooOoOOoOOOooOOOOOoooooo!

GN: Yes, woo.

MJ: Why do you have that huge box on your desk?

GN: My computer?

MJ: It's ugly.

GN: Come on, Marley. We had computers ten years ago.

MJ: It's a chain, Gary! Just like these metaphorical chains I wear.

GN: No, your chains are literal.

MJ: Literal chains that are a metaphor for your chains.

GN: Which are metaphorical.

MJ: I'm confused. Hey, you know what I miss?

GN: What's that.

MJ: Suzy Qs.

GN: Yeah?

MJ: Yeah. I think King Dongs and Ho Hos and Twinkies get all the play just because they have sillier names. Suzy Qs are totally better.

GN: I don't think I've ever had one.

MJ: Gaaaaaaaarrrrrrrryyyy! You suck!

GN: Tonight I will be visited by three pastries!

MJ: GaaaaAAAAAAARRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY!!!! DO NOT HORN IN ON MY SHTICK!!!!!

GN: Oh, relax.

MJ: I'll relax when I'm dead! (Gary and Marley burst out laughing and we freeze the frame. Timmy "Gopher" O'Hallahan leans in from the side.)

T"G" O'H: Well, I'm off to buy the Christmas Turkey, I am I am. Happy Holidays to all! (Jumps out window.)


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