So much will be coming from Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun in 2000 that trying to describe it all would be like trying to look at the ocean. You stand at the beach and look out, you think you can see a lot, but there's so much more you can't sea. Also, just like the ocean, we're full of stinging jellyfish. They're lurking there in the html, and they're icky things. Anyway, here are the items in the ever-popular list form (when letters and numbers get together, can hilarity be far behind?).

1. Ain't It Cool In the Basement
A section that makes fun of the following things: Harry Knowles' www.aint-it-cool-news.com, movies, Harry Knowles, the movie industry, people who obssess about websites, George Kennedy, and ourselves.

2. An Online Store Kind Of Section Where You Can Buy Stuff With Cap'n Wacky On It.
That's not the final title, probably, but you get the drift. We will make so much money. The Cap'n's weathered, wooden face will be everywhere. The Boatload of Fun will go public and we will retire to someplace that is warm and full of gorgeous, scantily-clad women with questionable morals.

3. Mobster.com
Our parody of Monster.com. It should be hilarious to anyone who has ever sifted through want ads while looking for gainful employment. Work has already started on this section. It's being made entirely by hand by skilled craftsmen, and that's why it's taking so long. It will be be worth the wait.

4. Agnus.
She's a second grader, a cutie-pie, and an anarchist. She is also a cartoon.

5. Updates
Sure, you already love eGad, the Amalgamated Humor Corporate Intranet, Art Bypass, and Flotsam & Jetsam, but you can love them more. Bigger is better. Always.

6. Cap'n Wacky World
An online tour of our theme park. Almost like visiting the actual park, only without so many damn kids underfoot. This will be very big. Unweildy even. If it doesn't get done this year, I don't want to hear you crying about it. We'll get to it. Probably.

7. More.
But all of the high-quality you've come to expect from Cap'n Wacky. Try to remember, we update every Friday, OK?

The Era of Cap'n Wacky begins in 2000! There will be no escape!