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By Chick Ribbons
Reporter
January 14, 2000

Cap'n Shify announces his candidacy for mascotship of Amalgamated Humor and hosting of www.capnwacky.com.

*For Immediate Release*

Amalgamated Humor Corporate Mascot and host of www.capnwacky.com, Cap'n Wacky, got a surprise Tuesday when Cap'n Shifty announced his attention to run against him in the upcoming November election.

Wacky has been mascot of the company since the 1940s and host of the website since its launch last August. He had been running unopposed and has expected a unanimous victory.

Shifty, host of the defunct website Cap'n Shifty's Boatload of Spite, says he only decided recently to challenge Wacky.

"I'm eager to get back into the hosting game," Shifty said. "Cap'n Wacky has grown complacent and doesn't seem to really care about the readers. The time has come for change."

Wacky could not be reached for comment, his publicist, Gary Newbrunswick, citing a crushing hangover.

"Did you know that when recently asked to identify the names of hosts of other famous websites, Cap'n Wacky hardly got any right?" Shifty said at his press conference. "He didn't know Sucky the fish from suck.com, he'd never heard of Mr. Cranky from mrcranky.com, and he didn't even know Jimmi from the Jimmicam - and that's a section of his own site!"

Amalgamated Humor Co-President Brodie H. Brockie with some "close friends" at a recent weekend in Las Vegas.

"We stand by Cap'n Wacky 100%," said Amalgamated Humor Co-President Brodie H. Brockie, "Unless, of course, the voters prefer Cap'n Shifty in which case we'll dump the old guy faster than we dump hazardous by-products into the river behind the factory."

Both Shify and Wacky are said to be hurrying to raise money and get their campaigns together in time for the November election, in which readers of www.capnwacky.com will vote for which host they prefer.