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By Chick Ribbons
Reporter
January 21, 2000

*For Immediate Release*

Last week, Cap'n Shifty announced his candidacy to become the Corporate Mascot of Amalgamated Humor and, along with that, host of www.capnwacky.com. Yesterday, current mascot/host Cap'n Wacky made his plans to run for re-election official.

"There can be only one host of Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun," Cap'n Wacky said to a crowd of nearly 400 supporters, "And that is Cap'n Wacky himself. Me. I'm Cap'n Wacky."

"Look at the URL for godsakes," Wacky said. "It's www.capnwacky.com! See that bit between the 'www.' and the '.com'? That's my name!"

Wacky's three-hour speech mostly centered on stating, in slightly different ways, that his name was already the URL of the website.

"He didn't bring up any serious issues," Cap'n Shify responded to the speech. "Like, when does he plan to get Mobster.com open? The porthole on the main page said 'coming soon' for months. Then they changed it to 'coming eventually.' That's not solving the problem in my book."

When asked when the section would open, Wacky responded with "Next time you look at the website, take a look at who's name the address is, why don't ya?"

A phone poll asking 100 registered voters "do you prefer Cap'n Wacky or Cap'n Shifty?" yielded the following responses:

click, dial tone - 70 %
"Who or who?" - 10%
"No." - 8%
"Prefer them to do what?" - 8%
"Cap'n Crunch." - 2%
"Captain Lou Albano." - 1%
"Who's name is in the URL?" - 1% (voice sounded familiar)

Cap'n Wacky is surrounded by reporters as he answers his rival's challenge.