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Election Story Archive |
Reporter
May 12, 2000
In a move that could seriously affect the November election, former candidate Captain Lou Albano endorsed Cap'n Wacky today.
After an intense, private three-hour meeting, Albano and Wacky addressed the media.
"Lou has something very important to tell all of you," the Amalgamated humor mascot said. "Isn't that right, Lou? Lou? Get up there, go on."
Captain Lou Albano gives his hearty stamp of approval File Photo |
"I- ouch! - endorse Cap'n Wacky," the Captain said in a flat, monotone voice, at which point the two men applied more pressure to his arms and appeared to poke something in his back.
"Okay, okay," Albano continued. "I endorse him! He'll be a good mayor or whatever the hell it is, just stop. He has my vote. Just please stop."
According to experts, the endorsement will bring the much-needed support of fans of mid-80s wrestling to the Wacky2000 campaign, which has been trailing Cap'n Shifty in the polls.
Amalgamated Humor VP of Public Relations Gary Newbrunswick was quick to point out the significance of today's announcement.
"I think this sends a definite message," Newbrunswick said. "If these two candidates, who were such bitter rivals early in the campaign have been able to unite under a common goal- to elect the best mascot in 2000!"
When questioned about the fact that Albano wasn't even in the mascot campaign and that Cap'n Wacky wasn't even running until Shifty announced his candidacy five months ago, Newbrunswick was rather adamant.
"Listen, that doesn't matter, he was there and we can produce documents to prove it!," he said. "Today, we've seen a touching reconciliation between two men who were in a bitter power battle for the last six months. Albano was a candidate, now he's not. End of story. Hal Jordan is dead, get over it."
Captain Lou had these words of support for the campaign, as he was led away, presumably to a comfortable limousine- "Save me! Help! They are most certainly gong to kill me!"
Cyndi Lauper could not be reached for comment.