Cap'n Wacky and Cap'n Shifty, rival candidates for the position of Amalgamated Humor mascot and host of Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun, apparently held their political conventions a few weeks ago.

Hardly anybody noticed.

While Shifty's convention, held in Las Vegas, Nevada, was attended by thousands of his loyal supporters, most of the rest of the country didn't even know it was occurring.

"I think I heard it was coming up," said Jerry Lerner, a reporter in the cubicle next to mine. "I was busy doing some yard work that week, though."

"Oh, are we still doing that election parody thing?" asked Amalgamated Humor spokesperson Gary Newbrunswick. "Damn, I forgot all about that."

According to what some people remember about it, Shifty gave a long stirring speech talking about his values and ideas and that sort of thing. You know how it goes. Then they probably dropped a lot of balloons.

Wacky's convention, however, did not follow plans as closely. Almost a dozen Wacky supporters gathered at the Shriner lodge in Elkhart, Indiana to hear Wacky speak.

The candidate never showed.

Cap'n Wacky, mistakenly addressing a Buddhist monk convention, asks the crowd who has been watching Survivor all summer instead of paying attention to the election.

Instead, Wacky accidentally attended a convention of Buddhist monks, most of whom seemed not to care about his plans to bring the long delayed Mobster.com section to his website.

"You see, it'll be a lot like Monster.com, only with funny job listings," Wacky explained. "I expect it to be very amusing, I do."

"I don't feel any more enlightened than I did when I got here," commented a monk on the condition of anonymity. "I think I'll vote for the guy in the yellow slicker."

Meanwhile, most registered voters remain disinterested in the process.

"I don't know, the candidates seem a lot alike to me in most ways. Maybe I won't vote at all," said frequent Boatload of Fun reader, SuperSamuri870@hotmail.com. "This campaign has been almost as boring as the presidential election."