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By CHICK RIBBONS
Reporter
September 29, 2000

Website host Cap'n Wacky announced plans this week to tap into Amalgamated Humor's strategic comedy reserves to alleviate pressures during the current humor drought on the internet.

"Right now, there are very few places you can go for consistent, quality humor online," said Wacky. "There's The Onion, Modern Humorist, McSweeney's and few others. That's why, as host of www.capnwacky.com, I've decided to tap into Amalgamated Humor's strategic comedy reserves this October."

Wacky went on to detail plans to feature more comedy than usual on the site in the coming month, particularly in the Halloween and Election 2000 sections.

"On most weeks, our site only updates one section," said Wacky. "This October we will be frequently updating multiple sections of our site, in order to relieve some of the pressure felt by the humor-seeking members of the internet community."

Wacky's challenger for website hosting duties, Cap'n Shifty, questioned the timing and the logic of the move.

"Funny he should be so interested in adding more comedy in October, the month before the vote," said Shifty. "But not funny in the humorous sense so much as funny in the, 'Hmm, that seems a might fishy to me' as you rub your chin kind of funny, says I."

Shifty even questioned whether or not the web's lack of comedy was as severe as Wacky implied.

"There be lots of other sites with quality humor if ye just look a little harder," Shifty said. "Try http://www.lileks.com/institute/index.html or http://www.core77.com/inconspicuous/index.html or http://www.seanbaby.com/hostess.htm before you tell me there's really a problem."

Shifty went on to say that the strategic comedy reserves are intended for emergency situations when traditional humor outlets were cut off, and not to simply help avoid slight bouts of ennui.

Wacky denies that he is opening the reserves for political reasons.

"Have you seen the new fall tv lineup?" Shifty asked. "I don't think we can count on 'DAG' and 'The Geena Davis Show' to fill this country's comedy demands. If we don't tap the reserves, America may not be laughing much at all this winter."

The strategic comedy reserves were originally created in the 1970s by Amalgamated Humor following a period of time when Americans were so starved for entertainment that they began buying rocks as pets in mass quantities.