Name: Cap'n Wacky

Current status: Amalgamated Humor mascot and host of www.capnwacky.com (incumbent)

Campaign theme song: Don't Change Horses (in the middle of a stream) by Tower of Power

Cap'n Wacky

Endorsed by: his mother, Gary Newbrunswick, and Captain Lou Albano.

Endorses: Anything made by Amalgamated Humor, any brand of rum that pays in product.

Position on internet spam: "I enjoy Spam. It is a meat that comes in a can. I have not yet tried the Internet kind, but I'm sure it's just as tasty as the original."

Position on Napster controversy: "Free? I don't care if ye paid me, I still wouldn't listen to Metallica. Do they have any sea shanties?"

Position currently: laying down.

Favorite Survivor: Rudy "A fine man o' the sea and a compassionate soul."

On his opponent: "I used to be friends with Shifty. We used to drink together when we were both cabin boys in the old days. You ever see that film with the fella from the Johnny Letterman show? The one on really late? I didn't get it. The movie, not the show. Oh, I loved the Johnny Letterman, though. Funny man. He'd have the best people on talking. Why I remember the scoundrel from that one Christmas movie was on there, reading poetry. Ahr, that was a funny bit."