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By Brodie H. Brockie
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| 11/8/1974 |
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THE INSULT:
During recess at Hayes Elementary School in Coldwater, Michigan, Leslie Smith calls Kelly Rosen "Smelly Kelly." THE COMEBACK: "My name may rhyme with smellyâ but at least I don't have big ears.." REASON REGRETTED: Years later, realized she could have done something alliterative with "Leslie" and "Lesbian." Also, Smith's ears were not particularly large.
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| 4/19/1946 |
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THE INSULT:
At a dinner party in London, Sir Nigel Campinberry overhears Lady Isabelle Farnsworth refer to him as "a tad on the hefty side." THE COMEBACK: "Madame, I may be fat, but in a year, I will lose this weight. That massive mole on your face, however, cannot be jogged away." REASON REGRETTED: A year later, Campinberry and Farnsworth encountered each other at an afternoon tea. Farnsworth had had the mole surgically removed while Campinberry had actually put on a few pounds.
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| 6/7/1999 |
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THE INSULT:
Jack Carlson is informed by his boss that his productivity seems to be suffering lately. THE COMEBACK: "Yeah, well maybe that's because your teeth are rotting so fast that every time I come in to work I think for a second that something got stuck in the vents at night and died." REASON REGRETTED: Fired.
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| A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away |
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THE INSULT:
A teen brushes off the attempts of a Dr. Evanzin to intimidate him with a sarcastic "I'll be careful." THE COMEBACK: "You'll be dead!" REASON REGRETTED: Fight ensued in which the Dr.'s friend, Walrus Man, got his arm chopped off.
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| Circa 1650 |
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THE INSULT:
Kit Wallsburn says Julia Danbry's hair feels the same as straw. THE COMEBACK: "And your skin is as yellow." REASON REGRETTED: A week later, Wallsburn died of the plague.
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| 9/13/1928 |
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THE INSULT:
Danny Ralston tells "Sweet" Sue Sweeton that her singing voice "ain't really that sweet." THE COMEBACK: "Oh yeah! Well, neither is your trumpet playing!" REASON REGRETTED: Weak.
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