Dressing up in costumes, bobbing for apples, and making sacrifices to Our Dark Lord are all fun parts of Halloween, but we all know that the best part of the holiday is cramming your maw with as much sugar-based foodstuffs as possible. Below are the secrets about how to get the biggest haul in your single night of looting.

1. Make friends with a diabetic and trick or treat together. They'll enjoy the experience, but have to give the candy to somebody. Why not you?

2. If a house has no lights on and no cars in the driveway, it doesn't mean you can't trick or treat there, it just means that that house is self-serve.

3. Check the phonebook for the homes of Doctors and Lawyers in your neighborhood. The more money they make - the better/bigger the candy (However, avoid the homes of dentists. They'll just be giving out toothbrushes or dental floss and patting themselves on the back for it).

4. Carry extra masks. If you find a house that is being particularly generous, simply change disguises and return over and over.

5. As the evening begins to wind down, make helpful suggestions like, "well, it doesn't look like there are too many kids left out here, and you've still got a lot of candy, I see. I'm sure you'll probably be wanting to unload your surplus, there, because it's no secret that big backside of yours doesn't exactly need any extra encouragement."

6. Prey upon the weak.

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