Kids today still say, "trick or treat," but most are simply parroting what they hear others say. Few actually have the chutzpah to exact revenge upon the stingy few who do not shower them with candy. Let's turn that trend around by following these tips for punishing those who don't honor All Hallow's Eve by spending their hard-earned money on tooth-rotting junkfood for strangers in colorful outfits.

1. If they won't give, you must take. Simply remove whatever object is readily available outside the house: mailboxes, garden items, lawn furniture, pets, etc.

2. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... the A-Team.

3. Make a simple, tasteful sign explaining to all passersby that you feel the resident of the home is not doing his or her part to be a friendly member of the community by ignoring a social tradition that has endured for generations. Place the sign in the offender's front lawn. Set it on fire.

4. Live well.

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