Hey-ho, everyone, Blofeld here, with your first peek at the ATTACK OF THE CLONES SCRIPT.

I'm so sorry this is late... I barely got a look at it as it is. I had to use all of my resources and powers... several SPECTRE agents died getting me this information, including my precious white kitty. Not even that insufferable but worthy 007 could prevent me from getting my hands on this.

Even this number of casualties, however was far lesser than I had anticipated. For mighty King George has had it in for me ever since I broke the news shortly after the release to video of PHANTOM MENACE that Ewan MacGregor would reprise his role as Obi Wan Kenobi in EPISODE II. I haven't heard from him or Lucasfilm, but I can imagine him seething in his inner sanctum shaking his fist in the air, cursing the evil genius of Ernest Blofeld, somehow able to pierce the secrets of his dream factory.

Which brings us to today. Long have I wrestled with this, whether to crack the veil of secrecy around ATTACK OF THE CLONES (or ATT. OF CLONES, as I shall refer to it in this piece) and reveal that which should or shouldnt' be revealed. I have, sitting next to me, at my computer terminal connected to my massive underground complex, a copy of the ATT. OF CLONES script, fourteenth draft, with the STAR WARS and LUCASFILMS logos clearly stamped upon it and "DO NOT READ" written plainly in marker across the cover. After much consideration and mulling over the price of the script (Let's just say it was slightly more than a near mint Amazing Spider-Man #129), I have decided to share this knowledge with you, our readers. Though I may be a villain, I am not always full of the villainy which villains often have.



So, without further adew-



SPOILERS AHOY





A big problem I had with PHANTOM MENACE was that there was too much sitting around and talking, no action. The end battle was great (but they killed off Darth Maul too soon, IMHO) but we had to sit through two hours to get to that.

ATT. OF CLONES aleviates that a great deal- Obi Wan is given the news that his father is dying on his homeworld of Okinacron 6 and he has to return there, even though he forsake it years earlier. Young Anakin uses his Jedi College money to follow to continue his training and the film goes from there. We see the training sequences which lead up to a final battle with the Jedi master from whom Obi Wan had fled decades past.

Of course, young Queen Amidala is there and a young romance blossoms between her and young Anakin Skywalker, admist the training and fight for Obi Wan's (called Mr. Obi Wan in this draft) lost honor.

So many nice moments- the dance with young Anakin now quite fitting in with the Oninacron 6-ians... Obi-Wan teaching Anakin the customs of his people, including this little relaxation exercise with rubbing sticks... the delicate way in which Obi Wan cares for the tiny bamboon trees of his homeworld...

Also, a big improvement is the cutting of certain plotlines and characters that dragged PHANTOM MENACE down, like Jar Jar Binks (ugh!) and that political nonsense with Emperor Palpatine (snore!)- It's all gone, probably to be picked up again in the last film, but ATT. OF CLONES is allowed to simply develop the teacher/student relationship between Obi Wan and young Anakin Skywalker.

My one major quibble is the rather abrupt ending, which is probably something that will look better fleshed out visually than on paper- on the last page is simply written "Clones arrive and attack. A battle ensues. Boba Fett I fights. The clones are defeated." I have my doubts, but who knows?

To sum up, my faith has been restored. If George Lucas and his minions are faithful to this vision for ATT. OF CLONES, then this will bring back all of those disappointed by the first film. Then he may even try to move on to the world, through which he will have to go me. Go through me to get at the world, I mean. Blofeld out!

Curse you, 007!