First, the good news. I'm making a movie! Yes, your favorite criminal mastermind Blofeld has finally sold a script to the Hollywood moviemaking machine! I'm thrilled, of course. I'd like to give you more details, but I can't. I don't want to scotch the deal because of anything printed here, nor do I want to make it look like I'm using this site for my own self-promotion. But I'm IN, baby! YES! YES! YES!

And now the bad news:

I hate you.

The "reviews" we got of the Hulk movie yesterday really melt my cheese. What's wrong with you? Why do you have to constantly ruin every viewing experience you have by learning everything you can about it beforehand? Don't you realize this judging the cart by looking at the horse nonsense hurts the overall gross of the movie? Especially when it gets printed here on our very important and massively influential website of power?

Also, by steeling these movies online instead of paying the small fee of viewing them in the theaters where they belong, you are taking money out of the hands of the hard-working men and women who have dedicated their lives to providing us with entertainment. Sure, maybe you don't care about the millionaire actors and directors, but you're also hurting the gaffers and cameramen and makeup people, and yes, even the struggling first-time screenwriter who has toiled away in obscurity, writing for hours at his computer until his sweatpants have begun to meld with his computer chair.

You thieves, you scoundrals, you spies!

You seem to think it's OK to just take whatever you want from Hollywood companies and spread the information around for anyone with a modem and a monitor to read. Well it's not! Where in the world would you leeches have gotten such and idea? That's what I really want to know! Where?! WHERE?

Blofeld out.