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| Yesterday, September 5, 2001 |
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Hey, folks, Hairy here. As a public service to do my part in these troubled times, our network of spies have put together a list of changes sweeping the entertainment industry...that have been made out of sensitivity to the Current Situation.
Spiderman movie teaser featuring the WTC scrapped
New York skylines in 'Friends' syndicated episodes edited out.
Simpsons "Homer Vs. The City of New York" episode pulled from syndication.
The classic Shwarzenegger/DeVito comedy "Twins" will be retitled "Unlikely
Identical Siblings Born at the Same Time" so as not to remind people of the
Twin World Trade Center Towers and needlessly distract them from the hilarity
of a tall, athletic Austrian being the twin brother of a short, fat Italian.
"Towering Inferno" re-edited to focus mainly on sub-plot of Fred Astaire saving the doggie. Film now about twelve minutes long.
All Woody Allen films set in New York destroyed
Blockbuster Video throws out all films not rented in the last six months, mostly older and foreign films. (actually, they were going to do this anyway, but it's a good smokescreen)
Single from rap/R&B group Doggz-Zs, "I Wanna (Fly Big Planes Into Tall Buildings)" pulled from stations.
The movie "Airplane" will be edited to remove all references to airports or
airplanes. Movie will now entirely consist of Robert Hays' wartime flashbacks
- unless we go to war, then movie will consist only of that one disco scene.
Disney's animated "Alladin" will restore lyrics referring to the middle east as "barbaric" that had previously been removed due to complaints.
Movie "New York, New York" to be slowly forgotten by public due, honestly,
more to the fact that no one wants to watch a Liza Minelli movie even if it
does co-star Robert DeNiro and feature the title song everyone knows.
Emmy Award show attendees will be constantly reassured that they are, indeed, very brave people for coming and picking up their little cheap-ass statues that no one gives a crap about anymore.
Upcoming "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" to be retitled "The Lord of the Rings: Hobbit Goes Bananas."
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