By RJ White, Justin Vidovic, Leonard Pierce, Jon Morris, Anne Moloney, Ben Flaster, Brodie H. Brockie, and William Shakespeare

Shakespeare is dead. He has long, long since shuffled off this mortal coil, so modern directors are very free to update, adapt, and re-set his classic works however they see fit. Maybe too free. This following list consists of Shakespearian updates that would truly be tragedies.

1. The Desperate Housewives of Windsor

2. Antony and Cleopatra Jones

3. Richard Belzer the Third

4. Othello, Hello starring Lionel Ritchie

5. Loves Labours in the Land of the Lost

6. Francis Ford Coppola presents: Bram Stoker’s Petruchio

7. Hamlet Two: Yorick's revenge

8. Bernie MacBeth.

9. Disney presents: Timon (and Pumba) of Athens

10. 10:00, 12:00, 2:30 - Sea World Presents: The Taming of Shamu

11. Arnold Schwarzenegger IS Othello

12. The Sci-Fi Network presents: William Shakespeare's Battlestar Cleopatrica

13. Richard III-D!

14. King Norman Lear

15. Tempest (The Video Game)

16. Like You Like It Live!

17. The Merry Wives of Stepford

18. Henry the Fifth: Henry the Fourth Part Two Part Two

19. A RETURN to the mystery! A RETURN to the magic!
The Jellicle Cats are back! to sing Shakespeare's Sonnets I-XX

20. The Two Gentlemen of Verona Versus Predator

21. I’m Henry VIII, I Am

22. The Taking of the ‘Shrooms

23. Richard IV: Dick

24. King’s John

25. Julius Caesar, presented by Orange Julius and Little Caesar’s

26. Green Eggs and Hamlet

27. MacStrutter

28. Twelfth Night Part II: Friday the 13th

29. Godzilla vs. Falstaff

30. Perilcles... ON ICE!

31. Edgar Winter's Tale

32. Jeff Foxworthy's Blue Collar Coriolanus

33. Much Ado About Nunsense

AND…
Seen in the adult room of the local video store:

1. Romeo and Juliet and Candi

2. Henry XXX

3. Tits Andronicus

4. King Leer

5. The Merchant of Penis

6. Troilus and Cressida Do Mardi Gras

7. The Horny Wives of Windsor

8. A Midsummer Night’s Cream

9. A Winter’s Tail

10. Coriolanus