By BRODIE H. BROCKIE

1. Is he a regular vampire? Does he suck blood and only come out and night? Is stabbing him with a wooden stake the only way to kill him?

2. Is he a chocolate vampire? Does he need to feed on chocolate nightly to stay alive?

3. Is he some kind of combination regular/chocolate vampire that needs to feed on the blood of the living, but only AFTER they've ingested a generous amount of delicious chocolate?

4. If you turned the tables and bit him, would he taste like chocolate?

5. Would doing so also turn you into a vampire (or chocolate vampire or regular/chocolate combo vampire)?

6. Since he's a count, I'm curious why he would need to work as a serial pitchman? Is he merely doing it because he truly loves chocolatey serial so much?

7. Does he only want people to indulge in eating lots of Count Chocula serial so our blood is filled with chocolate to ready us for his horrible bloody chocolate cravings?

8. Just what is he the count of? Is it... a land of chocolate?

QUESTIONS I HAVE ABOUT BOO BERRY

1. Is he a ghost of a person?

2. Is he a ghost of a blueberry?

3. Is he a ghost of a person who, like Violet Beauregarde, swiped an experimental prototype chewing gum from the Wonka factory, but then died of the after-effects?

4. Boo Berry appears to be non-corporeal, but his hat and bow-tie appear to be solid objects. How are they staying on?

5. Why won't Boo Berry's spirit pass on to the next phase? What task remains incomplete that will not allow him to rest? Was Boo Berry an obese child who was relentlessly teased and now pushes sugary cereals in an attempt to make modern children fatter and less healthy as his ultimate revenge? Is Boo Berry's fiendish plan ACTUALLY WORKING?

QUESTIONS I HAVE ABOUT FRANKEN BERRY

1. He's gay, right?