Take an axe to the head, Fred.

Let her catch you with a man, Dan.

Move in with your mom, Tom

Tell her she's fat, Pat

Change your name, get a fake passport, take all your money out of the bank, and flee to Jordan, Gordan.

Tell her you're through, Bartholomew

Give her the clap, Pap

Take back the jewel, Abdul

Just send her an E-mail, Ishmael

Say she's Elizabethan, Ethan

Have an affair, Javier

Encase her in carbonite and turn her into a mannequin, Anakin

Explain to her in a rational manner the various reasons you no longer consider staying in the relationship is the emotionally healthy thing to pursue, Lou.

Get a restraining ord-im-er, Mortimer.

Get a sex change operation, Christian

Hit on her sister, Mister

Get out in a hurry, Suri

Shave off all her hair, Pierre

Spike her drink with a roofie, Goofy

Blame it all on Frank Oz(ie), Fozzie.

Escape via Slip and Slide, Clyde.

Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown.