I saw Chuck Norris in a restaurant and wanted his autograph. I didn't have a pen, though, so I just asked him to do this. Very cool guy.

I don't know, how did you break your face?

Dude, I totally would've cleared that bus if I hadn't eaten that last burrito.

I was actually prepping Barbaro for surgery. It's, like, so ironic.

By punching people who asked stupid questions.

Wiiing accident.

I tried that new Arm-Breaking Flavor Kool Aid. I thought it was puffery!

I didn't break my arm. I just saw someone on MTV wearing a cast so I thought it was the new thing.

High-fiving Superman.

Carrying my girlfriend's books home from Comparative Dictionary class.

Fell down a flight of stairs.

Here, I'll show you with the other arm. OW, DAMN IT! WHY?