Your Reader Postcards Host: Amalgamated Humor Mail Room Guy, Gordon "Gordy" Schwartz.

This picture was taken on Gordy's first day on the job in June, 1968. In the years since, his vim and vigor have been replaced by bitterness and bile.
Gordy was our Disgruntled Employee of the Month in May, 2000. Read his interview here.
To have him make fun of your postcard, send one to:

Reader Postcards
C/O Amalgamated Humor
P.O. Box 7033
Ann Arbor, MI 48107

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This card is signed "Cap'n Mom," nice attempt at playing along at home, reader, but everyone knows Cap'n Wacky's mom was not also a Cap'n. We don't know her actual name, but Cap'n Dad has at least confirmed that when he knew her, she was a prostitute in Vienna. So again, nice try.

Also, what's the last line in the body of the letter? "It's so solar?" "It's so polar?" "It's so salar?" None of these make any sense, but what do you expect from someone who just made a deluded attempt to try to get some of that phat Cap'n cash by claiming to be a relation?

Trust me, you don't want the kind of heat you're trying to bring down on yourself, lady. After Mr. White's lawyers got through the last woman who pretended to be Cap'n Wacky's mom, the only job she could get hired for was Marlon Brando's sweat dabber. Besides, you weren't too drunk to write in complete sentences, so that gave you away too. Better luck next time, golddigger.