The Contents of Princess Leia's Email Outbox
General,
Please find attached to this email VERY IMPORTANT documents relating to devastating new Imperial Weapon (project name: DEATH STAR) obtained at IMMENSE risk, both personal and political. This ship's flight plan had to be redirected into RESTRICTED SPACE in order to obtain a Wi-Fi connection sufficient to send this mail, concern exists that this may have attracted unwanted Imperial attention.
The attached holograms and schematics identify KEY WEAKNESSES in this so-called DEATH STAR, vital to any attempt to disable this battle station. Contents of this message must be handled with UTMOST DELICACY, and are HIGH PRIORITY. I trust that I need not underline the risks should the Empire succeed in fully activating their sinister project.
Please confirm receipt of this communication at earliest opportunity.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all, may our rebellion succeed in restoring peace and sanity to the galaxy.
Leia Organa (Princess)
General,
I am resending documents sent yesterday in hopes that they find you in the most urgent fashion. As I have not heard confirmation from you of their delivery, I find myself fearing the worst. It cannot be stressed enough: these documents are VITAL to the success of the Rebellion and to the survival of any hope for peace or liberty in this galaxy.
We are enduring a great risk in returning to restricted space in order to send this document. I am certain the Empire is aware of the unscheduled alterations to our flight plan. Please confirm receipt of this message at EARLIEST CONVENIENCE.
My hopes for all freedom in the known universe rest in your hands
Leia Organa (Princess)
Alderaan Ambassador, Imperial Senate
(Forwarded Mail Attached)
General,
I have been informed that an Imperial Destroyer in the nearby system has altered its course to intersect with our flight path. I am now positive that the Empire is aware of our attempts to provide you with the key intelligence regarding their nearly-completed battle station. This knowledge on their part will surely mean death or imprisonment for myself and the crew of my ship, if not much worse.
Please, commander, the time for subtelty and discretion has passed. I cannot determine from your latest message if you received the plans or not, as I am unfamiliar with the code used. I must know if you have received these vital plans, if only so that the knowledge may provide some relief in the face of the punishment I am sure to face at Imperial hands.
Leia Organa (Princess)
Alderaan Ambassador, Imperial Senate
Original Message follows:
>>Hey guys,
General,
I tried to catch you on IM, but you signed off right before I could send anything. Did you get my previous mail? The Imperial vessel is expected to intersect with us within the hour, so our time is limited. I also forwarded my earlier mail to your GMail account. PLEASE confirm its receipt as soon as possible.
Leia Organa (Princess)
We are being fired upon by the Imperial vessel, we have no chance to outrun it. At this point, I'm not sure what to do if you did not receive the plans, cram our hard copy into an R2 unit and shoot it out the airlock or something? That would be retarded. You've really put us in a difficult position, General.
The alarms are sounding, we appear to have been boarded. Already the crew is saying Vader leads the boarding crew. That would suck immensely. Everything about this sucks, General. You suck.
Now I have to go find a gun. Thanks heaps. You've been of immeasurable help to the Rebellion. If you handle your fighter squadrons the way you handle your email then the Empire doesn't stand a chance.
Leia Organa (Princess)
PS - I was being sarcastic.
Original Message follows:
>>Princess,
General,
You're from Dantooine, aren't you? I really really hope they ask me where the rebel base is, because I'm going to tell them Dantooine and laugh as they blow your retarded planet into a million pieces.
Leia Organa (Princess)
|