As you gather around the table this Thanksgiving with your family and share what things you are thankful for, we were worried that you might spend too much time wondering what the new members of your family are thankful for... the members at Cap'n Shifty's Boatload of Humorous Diversions
Well, now you won't have to spend time wondering, we'll tell you right here! Now you can have more time to stuff your face.
CAP'N SHIFTY (Corporate Mascot/host of site): I'm thankful for a clear mandate from the fine, fine readers of this site. Also, for the chance to do a little tinkerin'. Ahr.
BRODIE (President Amalgamated Humor/website creator): I resolve to lose at least five pounds, and to try to be nicer to the gals in the typing pool. Wait a minute. What holiday are we on?
R.J. (President Amalgamated Humor/website creator): Friends, family, loved ones being close to me this time of year. Close, of course, means them being on the speaker phone while I drink margaritas off of the chests of bikini models in Cancun.
GARY NEWBRUNSWICK (Amalgamated Humor Public Relations): To still have a job under such a visionary as Cap'n Shifty. For the continued health of Cap'n Shifty. Again, for having such a wonderful opportunity to work with a genius like Cap'n Shifty. Oh, and my parents, too and all of that stuff.
ZONAR (advice columnist): Let's see, what would I be thankful for? Hmm. Hmm. Hmmmm. Hm.
Oh, I know- That the Superions don't have an insipid holiday like your human "Thanksgiving." All you do is mince around all day, "I'm thankful for you!" "Oh, no, no, no- I'm thankful for you!" And then you gorge yourselves on roasted bird until you poop it out mere hours later.
What am I thankful for, you ask? That I'm not one of you pahetic, sluggish wastes of perfectly good organic material. Now get away from me, boy.