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Humans Keep Getting Fatter
Topic:
What's the Big Stink About Gas?
All I have heard about all summer long from the annoying hu-mans who are,
to my eternal dismay, my co-workers here at Amalgamated Humor, Inc. is how
upset they are about the current state of automobile gasoline prices. In
the last week or so, the bellyaching caused by gas has become ridiculous!
Every human I know is blowing a lot of wind about gas!
As a superior life form from the planet Superion, I am not bound by the
limitations of your primitive society. In my fuel-efficient Biwheeled
Ultimate Transportation Terminal (the hippest vehicle from Superion). I
am able to simply speed right past every gas station I encounter! I need
never stop to refill! That's right, fools, my B.U.T.T. always passes gas!
It makes me so happy to see all the sad faces of the sad humans forking
over their hard-earned human money for gasoline that I honk my horn in
delight as I speed by. I do it every single time! I always toot when I
pass gas!
Sometimes when I see humans suffering at the gas pumps, I'm even inspired
to want to make their suffering even worse. That's when I blast them with
a dose of my mental rays! They may not be able to hear or see them
coming, but they most certainly feel them! These emissions are silent,
but deadly!
But I've had my fill of you crass cretins continuing to caterwaul about
your costly conundrum. I am above all this, for I am a refined, cultured
and civilized life form from the classiest planet in the universe! From
now one, please keep your gas problems to yourself while Zonar continues
to be perfectly content to pass gas, toot, and release my deadly
emissions!
Agree? Disagree? E-mail zonar@capnwacky.com