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V FOR VENDETTA
Despite the title, this is not the movie version of one of those Sue Grafton novels like "A is for Alibi", "H is for Hack", "G is for Gimmick", or "F is for Formulaic." That's the good news. That bad news: that's the only good news.

Things that happened to this movie during production: The author of the graphic novel (the term comic nerds use to pretend they're not illiterate morons) source material asked to have his name removed from the project, the lead actor quit and was replaced by another actor who re-dubbed masked footage of his predecessor, Natalie Portman went bald, and the Wachowski brothers were actually paid real money by people who saw the last two Matrix movies. T for Train Wreck, anyone?

THE HILLS HAVE EYES
Then, by all means, let the hills watch this crapfest.

THE SHAGGY DOG
This movie is apparently a remake of Disney's "The Shaggy Dog" from 1959 starring Fred MacMurray and/or "The Shaggy D.A." from 1976 starring Dean Jones. Make this movie once, shame on Disney. Make this movie THREE times, shame on anyone who sees it.

To add insult, this time Tim Allen is the star. Comparing MacMurray's charisma to Jones' to Allen's is a little like comparing a mountain to a molehill to a deep, deep trench.

Apparently there have also been TV versions starring Ed Bagley Jr. and Gary Kroeger too, but I suppose there's no use in comparing the various depths of ditches here. Disney never met a stone it didn't love draining blood from, obviously. Is it too soon for another damned Flubber movie?

Silly, it's never too soon (and ALWAYS too soon).

EIGHT BELOW
...that's how cold it would have to be in Hell before I even considered paying to see this movie.

ULTRAVIOLET
This conceptual film was is to be projected in ultraviolet light, which is invisible to human eyes. Therefore, you'll probably be more entertained going to see this movie than anything else currently available at the cinema.

I, on the other hand, am a Superion with ocular sensors far superior to those of mere humans. My eyeballs are capable of seeing the full spectrum of color. Therefore, you could not catch me dead at this turdburger.

SPECIAL BONUS! ZONAR'S POST-OSCAR WRAP-UP:
Nope. I didn't watch that either.