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WAR OF THE WORLDS

Agh, again? How many times must humanity suffer the mindless assault of this story? Superior beings from outer space attack Earth with advanced weaponry, ships capable of intergalactic travel, and yet they never seem to have thought of vaccinations. Sorry, humans, not even Martians are that stupid.

Trust me, toilet monkeys. When the Superion Invasion Fleet arrives, we will not be felled by your microbes. We fear not your bacteria! You poop machines will fall beneath the tide of our superior intelligence and not even your tiniest creatures will be able to save you.

And by your tiniest creatures, yes I do mean Tom Cruise.

BATMAN BEGINS...


...another series of films sure to offer diminishing returns.
...to scowl rather a lot.
...to take himself too seriously.
...to chafe from his rubber pants.
...to wonder if maybe the Adam West route was really more entertaining after all.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Jonny Depp acts fey and wiggy, Tim Burton likes dark stories and swirly art-direction, Danny Elfman's music goes BUM bum BUM bum!

We GET IT, boys. We got it the first ten times. Got anything else? No? Can we all retire now then? Thank you.

FANTASTIC FOUR

Oh good, another movie based on a Marvel comic book. The theaters will be smelling of wet nerd for another six months.

Hollywood seems bent on making a big screen version of every one of Marvels ridiculous adolescent power fantasies while novels such as "Eugene Pickering" by Earth author Henry James or "Paramount Acumen" by Superion author Zhernox The Superion remain unfilmed.

And you idiots think you could survive and alien invasion.