ALSO:
» Ask Zonar
» Zonar's Store

STEALTH

In case you've missed the previews for this masterpiece of modern cinema, allow me to enlighten you on the premise of this surely brilliant film:

1. America builds plane with robot brain.
2. Robot plane gets hit by lightning.
3. Robot plane becomes evil.

Seriously, they're not even trying to hide the fact that this movie is about a robot plane that goes crazy after being struck by lightning. You'd think once Hollywood hit the ground they would stop being able to lower the bar, instead they keep digging trenches in which to go lower still.

MUST LOVE DOGS

John Cusak is locked in a deadly struggle to survive after his beloved canine companion is struck by lightning and becomes evil!

MARCH OF THE PENGUINS

An army of lightning-struck penguins march from the artic all the way to the American mainland and try to kill Dennis Hopper for being a symbol of corporate greed. John Leguizamo stars as one of the angriest penguins.

WEDDING CRASHERS

Oh, the hell with Wedding Crashers, I want to talk more about Stealth. Why would lightning make the plane evil? I mean, perhaps if this bajillion dollar robot plane were really poorly made (and knowing you humans and your incompetence, I can believe that), I could see lightning just ruin it, but make it turn evil? Is there some inherent evil in the lightning itself? Does this evil robot plane, designed one would think, to be controlled at least partially remotely, not have some sort of off switch? I'm still astounded that someone heard the pitch for a movie about a robot plane that gets struck by lightning and becomes evil and said, "Yes, I will give you millions of dollars to make that movie."

Also, I've had my fill of Vince Vuaghn's smugness and chicanery. Away with you!

BAD NEWS BEARS

What happened to Billy Bob Thorton's career after Slingblade? Do you think it was struck by lightning, because that would explain a lot.