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This week's first Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
My Boss's Daughter

This movie is about Ashton Kutcher pretending to be attracted to nubile young ladies instead of frightening older women who have been plastic surgerized into a razor sharp point.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
The Medallion

I'd rather watch an endless loop of Crispin Glover going chop-socky at Letterman's gap-toothed visage for three hours.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Marci X

If this, "The Good Girl," "The Whole Ten Yards," et. al. is the best they can do in the realm of film, the cast of "Friends" had better hope for a massive freak accident killing them all on set during the taping of their last episode.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Freddy Vs. Jason

Or Freddy Vs. Jason vs. Apathy. This could've been a real blockbuster phenomenon, say, twenty years ago when anyone cared. Oh, it would've still been crap, but it would've been successful crap.

This is the movie equivalent of RATT and Poison going on a big summer tour this year.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Open Range

People often ask, "Zonar, what makes your home planet of Superion so great? You're constantly going on about 'Superion this, Superion that.' What's the big deal?"

Well, if someone on Superion had made a film like, say, "The Postman," what would have happened to him? At the very worst, his carcass would have been tossed into the Bottomless Chasms of Quartinia after having been evicerated by each and every member of the populace who had paid admission to see such a cinematic pile of excrement. At the very least, he would not be allowed to even see a film ever again.

Here on earth, however, it looks as though Mr. Costner has created another one of his "films." Your planet sucks. I rest my case.

The next Movie I Have No Intention of Seeing:
Freaky Friday

God damn it.