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NAME: Cap'n Dad POSITION: Father of Cap'n Wacky HOBBIES: Globe-trotting, trouble-causing, free-wheeling, harmonica. QUOTE: "Me boy, Cap'n Wacky is basically a decent, moral individual. I guess sometimes kids will be the way they'll be and there ain't a thing we parents can do about it. At least he drinks." BELIEVES: The old saying that there's a sucker born every minute. Also, believes he fathered one. |
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NAME: Jesse Ball POSITION: Self-professed #1 fan of capnwacky.com OTHER THINGS MR. BALL CLAIMS TO BE #1 FAN OF: Kiss, Nascar racing, Alanis Morrisette, Jesse Ball, Pro-wrestling, Tequiza. Aren't we in great company? FUN FACT: While an actual person, Jesse Ball is widely believed to be a fictional character. If only that were the case. THINGS THAT WILL STOP HIM: Unknown. THINGS THAT PEOPLE HAVE TRIED TO STOP HIM WITH: Tranquilizers, horse tranquilizers, elephant tranquelizers, giant flypaper, soothing violin music, Louisville Slugger, pretty lights, clowns, love. |
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NAME: Mr. Ticklepaws POSITION: Cap'n Wacky's pet kitty AMAZING POWERS: Can see in the dark. Can clean himself with his own tongue. WARNING: Always lands on his feet. Retractable claws. Never ask Cap'n Wacky how Mr. Ticklepaws is doing unless you have a spare hour or two that you wouldn't mind spending looking at kitty photos and hearing stories about the adorable way Mr. Ticklepaws chases bugs. |
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NAME: Merlin Olsen POSITION: Zonar's drinking buddy/former football player and flowershop spokesman HOW HE MET ZONAR: Both met while bringing flowers to the doorstep of actress Angela Lansbury. Initially, they were furious with each other and founght violently for three whole weeks! After tearing gaping holes in the ground beneath them, their fury finally abated and the two became fast friends. And that's how the Grand Canyon was created! FUN FACT: No really Amish, was only pretending in "Aaron's Way" FUN FACT #2: A tiny vole lives in his beard that Merlin claims is over 100 years old! |
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NAME: Bob Crane POSITION: Nah, that one's too easy. Hangs out at the capnwacky.com forum. HOBBIES: Videography, thwarting itiotic Nazis, "Hogan's Heroes" trivia HATES: Smart-alecks who bring up "Superdad," Werner Klemperer FUN FACT: Has actually been dead for decades! |
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NAME: Dr. Russ POSITION: Witch doctor, unofficial Amalgamated Humor liason for Central America BACKGROUND: One of only two physicians to not only receive a degree from Johns Hopkins, but also gain certification from the Quatzacc'l and Mezacc'tc tribes. QUOTE: "Ooosa!" PROFICIENT IN: Thorasic surgery, general practice, pioneered use of leeches and asprin pultice to reattach severed digits |