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NAME: Cap'n Wacky POSITION: Host of capnwacky.com, mascot of Amalgamated Humor HOBBIES: Sailing, drinking, cursing, macramé FUN FACT: Cap'n Wacky was created as a mascot for Amalgamated Humor in the 1930s by cartoonist Arthur Fetzenberg, yet he is also frequently written about on this site as if he was a sentient being with a will of his own! |
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NAME: Zonar the Superion POSITION: Advice Columnist WHAT IS IT: Commonly believed to be made out of an empty 2-litre bottle, duct tape, and tin foil, Zonar is a remarkable space alien from the planet Superion. While he appears hollow, Zonar is actually full - of hate (also some contempt). GOALS: World domination, making people cry |
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NAME: Stick Figure Warning Man POSITION: Model for safety warning signs, commentator on said signs HOBBIES: Complaining, moaning, whining, griping, bitching, belly-aching, bawl-babying, grumbling, fussing, and bewailing. FUN FACT: A living creature, Stick Figure Warning Man cannot die, but can feel pain. In fact, he may even had a lower pain threshold than normal people. FAMILY: Stick Figure Warning Man has a wife and son, both also stick people, who sometimes join him or stand in for him in his dangerous exploits. The family that endures excruciating pain together, stays together. |
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NAME: Hairy Knavel POSITION: webmaster of subsection, It Ain't Cool in the Basement News, movie "critic" LIKES: Movies, comics, butter, science-fiction, whipped lard, freebies, kickbacks, pwesents, attention, ellipses, eulogizing DISLIKES: Grammar, exercise, standing up, going outside, fact-checking, mirrors, Harry Knowles "critic" |
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NAME: Jimmi POSITION: Host/subject of the JIMMICAM FUN FACTS: One of the earliest sections of Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun, The JIMMICAM is still going strong! We haven't checked in on it in a while ourselves, but we're sure it's as good as ever. Keep up the good work, Jimmy! |
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NAME: Martin Balsam (in Space) POSITION: Comic character/Starship Captain ISN'T HE DEAD: No, the Academy Award winning actor faked his own death in 1996, preferring the life of a space-adventurer to that of an aging movie star. CAREER HIGHLIGHTS: A Thousand Clowns, Psycho, Tora! Tora! Tora!, tricking the brain sucking Leech Men of the planet Ramquolain into navigating their ship into a black hole. |
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NAME: SUSAN POSITION: Comic Character/Robot Sidekick MADE OF: Tin, the strongest metal known to inter-galactic space-faring mechanical beings. TIN! LITTLE KNOWN FACT: In addition to being Captain Martin Balsam's first mate, Susan is also an accomplished ballroom dancer. She and her partner, The Aibo, won second runner up at the annual competition held on the gas giant Flengdap in 1998. |
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NAME: Guy Who Looks Like a Fish, But Other Than That is Just a Regular Guy (At Least Pretty Much) POSITION: Comic Character/Office Peon JUST WANTS: to be loved. |
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NAME: YOU POSITION: Reader of Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Fun FUN FACTS: Really likes The Gallery of Unfortunate Cards and Stick Figure Warning Man, not crazy about Zonar or Art Bypass. Reads the site while bored at work or if Modern Humorist is on yet another vacation. Has no intention of contributing to the tip jar or even buying a damn T-shirt. HOW YOU LEARNED ABOUT CAPNWACKY.COM: Stumbled across it by accident and/or gave birth to one of the writers. |